Feelings Are Visitors
By Samantha Behar
One of the most difficult times in my life was when my boyfriend of about two years and I broke up. We went to different schools and got too busy to put in the effort and time into our relationship. Honestly, it was probably one of the healthiest and most mature things I’ve ever had to do. We ended on good terms and we still have a lot of love for each other, but that almost makes it harder to cope.
It was no one’s fault. It was inevitable. To save you from the long sob story, this breakup changed me for the better. It was the first time I had to deal with such intense emotions and it taught me to treat the feelings like visitors; you have to let them come and go.
Maintaining a realistic mindset is a good thing to do when going through something hard or stressful in your life. You won’t feel this way forever and the thing you are going through is temporary. Even though some might advise against thinking about problems in such a logical way, for some people like me, it totally helps because it can show you the light at the end of the tunnel a little quicker. Doing this can make you feel like you are more in control of the process and “organizing” can do nothing but good in any situation and even expedite the process.
The first part of it all is letting the emotions just happen. Let them in and let them stay awhile, as long as you feel you want them there, but remember they are visitors; they won’t stay forever.
This is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever gotten. Let the thoughts and feelings marinate, write about them so you have a physical representation of your growth. I used to (and still kind of do) hate that too, writing about my feelings, but look what I’m doing now! Eat a shit ton of ice cream, watch a lot of sad movies, work out, go on walks, call close friends, do what you need to do in order for you to really feel it and understand it. If you don’t let yourself be vulnerable, then you just make yourself into a ticking time bomb. I am the first to admit that I cried everyday for a week and watched movies like PS I Love You while my roommate was at her sorority meetings so I could just be a mess by myself. This is the time to really reflect on and better yourself and your life so far. It’s natural, and it has to happen, so you might as well just embrace those emotions, rather than treat them as “guests” popping in at another time.
After a while once you start to feel like yourself again, or a new person if that is what you are going for, let yourself free from the negativity and embrace the new feelings. If you try to move forward for yourself rather than move on in an “F you” way, you’ll really see a difference in not only yourself but in how you see the world around you. My favorite thing to remember is everything happens for a reason and the butterfly effect is so real!
If you hold onto the feelings for too long you can’t move forward and do the things that are going to be better down the road. Don’t let the visitors make you forget that the feelings won’t last forever and that you wouldn’t be the person you are today without the situation. If you keep that tucked in the back of your mind, you’ll be unstoppable.
With that being said, sometimes visitors can come back uninvited. I deal with it a lot and I let myself think about it for a little then I show them the door. Distract yourself, do your thing and you will be the best you can be. Turn it around and use it as an advantage. You got through a hard thing and now it’s time to move forward!
Feeling sad can stop you from being in so many happy and cool situations if you let it. I really wouldn’t be where I am now, writing this, being able to openly talk about it if I didn’t detach myself from those feelings. So remember to be a good hostess, but not for too long.